Here we are January 4th, and I'm feeling positive.  I'm learning that even though I won't take money from family and friends right now (although I would have loved it it my dad would have gone with my idea of buying an investment property and renting it out to me!!) I am finding it cathartic  to write about it and that it's ok to let people know what's going on.  Maybe not everything to everybody, but it's ok to let people know that you are in a vulnerable spot right now.  I was invited to a friends house for dinner last night and was very grateful  for the great dinner and amazing wine.  Now that kind of generosity I WILL accept from my friends!!  People are very sympathetic to other peoples bad situations, and as long as you are not asking them for a handout, you'll find much kindness in their love and support.  A very close friend of mine forwarded this to me, I'll put the link on here...I found it very inspirational and even named this blog site after it!  The main message was about the importance of connection. 

http://www.ted.com/playlists/8/a_better_you.html?source=facebook#.UsUQmSwq-q9.facebook

I suggest listening, it's a very nice piece to read.

So, it's saturday, I'm taking down the decorations today and I will most likely be wondering if I'll be putting them up in the same home next year.  More than anything I'd love to stay here.  I really like our home and believe this is the best place for Brianne.  I'm on the outs with some family and friends, but I don't expect everyone to understand the emotional turmoil that my life as of late has given me.  I'm probably not the most fun to be around.  But I've decided for myself to hone it in...keep it small, like a tight little manageable box.  Sometimes in times like these it's best to be alone, to have that time to reflect, get imaginative, and really think. 

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but I went to the county welfare office and got my daughter and I on Medi-cal, food stamps (which really are not those embarrassing stamps anymore, more like a debit card, and even cash aid which comes out of the same card.  Very discreet and easy to use.  This is a great option for any single mom.  You must use this if you can.  Just remember they want ALL your info, birth certificate, social security card, childs birth certificate, tax returns, bank statements, they take fingerprints, take blood and hair samples (just kidding on the last two, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's next!!).  It's not a lot, but man, it's saving me right now because Brianne and I can eat, and get toilet paper, and laundry soap, etc.  You can easily find resources by dialing 211 from your phone, it will connect you to the county office that handles all of that.

So that's kind of it for today.  I'm going to relax a little today, keep praying, keep being grateful for my many blessings, and keep researching and fighting my way out of this!  I'll let you all know on monday how it goes with the lawyer.  I used my cash aid from the state to pay for the lawyers retainer.  Once the bankruptcy gets rolling, they tell me relief is instant!  So, I am now very excited for this process.

Take care, and again, you have a friend and as always, never lose hope!

xoxo C