How can any of my friends or family possibly understand?

I don't talk much about my financial crisis.  Truly, people DO NOT get it.  I don't expect them to.  I gave up a long time ago expecting people to have compassion and understanding.  This has gone beyond worry.  It's sheer FEAR.  It's not just "oh, no, I'm late on my Neiman Marcus bill, I'm going to have to pay a higher interest rate", or "Crap, I'm 15 days late on my mortgage, what am I going to do?".  No, I've completely stopped paying all bills, most everything has been shut off except elec and water.  I haven't paid my rent in about 80 days and my car is repossessed.  The fact that when I'm home I lock myself in the bedroom and don't answer the door because I'm scared to death it will be the sheriff telling me I have 10 minutes to get out, is beyond worry.  It's funny to me if I do happen to mention to someone that I'm having difficulties and they blurt out, oh, I know, me too, I think I have to pull my daughter out of private school.  Really?  Really.  You've got to be kidding me.  So how can I express to anyone the fact that I am physically ill from the fear, having extreme panic attacks even though I'm heavily medicated?  I can't.  So most people I was closest to have turned away from me.  My mom, my brother, his family, my closest friends of 30 years.  But they don't even know the truth of what's going on with me.  So I face this alone.  With a smile on my face for everyone I see, with gratitude and faith that I will make it out of this.

But can I just say...I TRULY HATE mondays!

Believe in yourself and in God.  Things will change.

xoxo C